So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
