well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
