ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
