wat bout pragnant strippers??
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
