His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
