apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Small penises have feelings too.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
