No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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