Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
