piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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