it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
