CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
