Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
