why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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