When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
