i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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