Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
be right there i have to get my cape
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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