stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
