So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
