Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
