An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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