I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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