My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
