Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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