Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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