I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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