do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
