Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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