I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
