I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
