I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
