I feel great
I just peed on a car
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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