we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
