omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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