Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
