he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
