Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
