TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
