yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
