you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
