I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
