The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
