Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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