It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
