I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
