We need to rekindle our bromance
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
