he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
