please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The Olympian is in my bed
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