i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
