dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
