Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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