summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
