my sisters under your porch take her home
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
