my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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