I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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