I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
